Ahhhh~~~~

I'm sick...caught a damn cold...feeling feverish too...but this time round nobody to take care of me...no fish porridge...no pillow fights...no forced kisses...slowly and steadily i sink into my own black hole...the more i live...the more i realise that i'm not living...and the reason i fell sick?
I think it was the stalking i did the night before...I tend to put myself in a very stupid position in life...i accomplish nothing...i can't seem to get over YOU...so here i'm physically and mentally sick...depression will soon kick in...halluncation and stuff will soon cover me in a mist of misery...never have i feel so down in life...since the day i realise YOU were gone...I swore that my life is very much over and its proving me right now...YOU can ignore me...for YOU do not know the hardship of thinking about YOU every minute of the night...i do not even know if YOU are dead or alive...can YOU really bear to do this to me?? are YOU that heartless?? are YOU being manipulated by someone?? or . . . or . . . some many questions going through my mind every night and all i yearn for is just a very simple sms saying...'hey, i'm ok.' maybe that night at the river i should have ended it that and then...then i do not have to endure so this melancholy alone...while YOU could be merrying with someone else...do YOU even miss me a single bit... unlike others... we didn't part because we had no more love for each other...our love was strong but not strong enough i guess...must i go on my kneels to beg YOU to appear...or this is how you choose to settle between us...to ignore me...if so...then i'm pretty much really speechless...lets hope this is not your final decision...lets not end it just like this...