A fucked up person that i've known for 22 years...

Why am i so fucked up... ??

Am i being difficult... yes

What do i want... i dunno

Will i change... hard to say

I starting to ponder how my mind works... why must it be so fucked up... i know the things i say and do, hurts her but something changed along... even if she is still the same person, somethings cannot be done in the same way again... many times i tell myself that i should be a whole lot nicer to her but i cannot...

Firstly, there really isn't much of a topic between us... it just for the sake of doing something we gathered... i use to talk 'crap' in a certain way with her but now it is impossible to do so... i can't do back the same things i always do... just doesn't feel right anymore...

Awkward and silence is the 2 things to describe it... to being with... if we don't click very well... there really isn't much for us to say... secondly... there's something about girls who are attached that keeps me away from them... The problem lies with me... i think i've got a huge piece of rock on my chest and that i have no strength to remove it...

I hope that if she reads this post , she would understand... but then again.. she probably won't know it's her and whatever i am saying...

I wanna apologize... but i just can't say this out...

can i say it here instead!?

I'm SORRY! but i dunno whether i will change or not...

I'm too complicated to know myself...