I visited a land, few thousand miles away from mine, 2901.43 miles to be exact, far away in a land that i never been before, i found something that will last me a life time, a memory, a story to tell, a tale that might be forgotten. Perhaps, perhaps its was fate that brought me that, it was fate that drawn me to her and fate is now the cruel factor that leave me torn and broken apart.
Was it love? Maybe it was due to the fact that i might never see her again, maybe it was because I'm starting to get use to her saying Ann-Yeong (good night) to me before i go to bed. My dumb dumb heart felt something as i was about to leave, it was a heart filled with heartache and misery and the feeling of missing someone, i wanna hear her voice again!! i wanna share alot of things to her and now, all i have is my email which she has yet to reply. On the day i came back, i couldn't stand that feeling of missing someone, never thot that i 'll feel so miserable again after losing candace.
But i can do nothing, i cannot say i wanna abandon my life here and go search for her, she has her life there and worst part, this is one sided. Many things tell me its not gonna be possible for me, but i tried so long and so hard for my dead heart to finally love and admire someone, should i just give up? i still have a long long way to go in life and she? she is near the marriage age. is 6 years gonna be a barrier and then there's the language barrier, height barrier or even looks.
how fair is life to me? i'm poor, short and ugly plus fat and someone else might just have the opposite. i live in a country where i have to serve a 2 life jail life where others could have gone so far with that time? i'm no longer young and i have accomplish nothing?
I don't wanna give up but even my buddy tells me to be realistic. what is reality? a world feels with misery? i wanna live in my own fantasy, to have a dream or even mulitple dreams, i need to be ensure that i might get results, i don't wanna risk it all, if i fail i need a back up plan but that is not applicable in love.
what is l.o.v.e ? love is being lost over various emotions, a path of confusing and hurt, a road where the ending is usually the end of many other things and i have to endure this torment? I board the bus feeling lonely and miserable, i would like some companion, i use to love bus journeys, now i dread about going onto a bus... i need it.. i need a companion. i need her.
Perhaps all these are just lies conjured up in my life to love again, come to think of it, candace has move on, maybe she's still with that guy maybe she's not, perhaps its my turn to forgive myself, to let go of myself, to help myself, WHAT IS IT!? WHAT IS THE ANSWER!?!?!? DO I PITY MY SELF!?!?!?
Fuck it! i love her now... even if it doesn't last or even if its just a crush!? i HATE myself!
BANG!!! AI YA!!
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